As I continue on this beautiful journey Lynna and I have embarked on, I can't help but reflect and grow with my thoughts. I know that what I have done is the unthinkable and frankly I have had to pay a dear price for what I did. I cannot change the past nor is there an outcome that would make things any better. For me to try to change my transition and go into another dysfunctional behavior of destruction to undo what I did, would only make matters worse. I am a female, that I know, I am now a female with a beard, and this is my reality. My voice has changed, I now grow facial and body hair, a burden, as well as a permanent scar, along with other scars on my body from this so called transition, which would cost lots of money and induce incredible amounts of pain to remove.
So here I am faced with my decisions that forever changed my life. My saving grace is that I found the love of my life through all of this madness. Anyway wanted to share this video that speaks of my feelings and reflection on gender.
Read my personal blog entry
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Friday, July 14, 2017
It still seems like an incredible dream to be able to travel this big blue planet of ours, learning and experiencing everything mother earth has to offer. I equate this experience with visiting an all you can eat Buffet, where after awhile you cannot distinguish the different flavors of the great foods you have before you. So many great flavors and aromas that we are unable to remember the many places we have visited and they all start to blend in after awhile. Here is the link to the map we post our whereabouts (MAP) in case you are reading this blog from your smartphone and the map does not show on your device.
Waking up every morning as the sun rises and going to bed with the stars is just invigorating, to say the least. Making breakfast or dinner in different National Parks, Picnic areas and rest stops have become the norm and enjoyable beyond words. Every time we share our story with those we meet along the way, they all say you are living a dream, and that we are. At first, the stress of the unknown, the bugs, or trying to find a "safe" place to lay our heads made it difficult to fully enjoy the journey, but now after 74 days in, there are no worries and we are enjoying the challenges and look forward to the unknown, it makes it so very interesting and feeds the need of unpredictability both Lynna and I have. This life suits us well.
The other day when we stayed at a rest stop we thought would be quite, it appeared out of the way, turned out to be the noisiest stop ever. There was a rowdy bunch that had driven in, whose lack of consideration for others showed by the lack of etiquette with trash removal. There are places that do not provide trash cans and have a pack in, pack out policy. Meaning you create trash, you take it with you upon departure. Well, we saw that the woman who was with the two very rowdy guys, placed her trash on the floor in front of the vault toilets, as she voiced "this rest area has no trash". I proceeded to explain to her the policy of which she chose to ignore and left her trash on the floor anyway. That same night we got awoken by what we thought were colleges students, in the end, it turned out to be a bus full of rainbow people coming from a rainbow event, who were smoking weed, yelling at the top of their lungs and ignoring the fact that people were sleeping at the rest stop.
One of the things we have noticed on this trip is the lack of consideration many in this world have for others, it basically appears they only think about their needs and have no problem invading the spaces of those who were there before them, hmmm, that seems to be the pattern of this great US of A. It is something Lynna and I have noticed on our Journey as we people watch and observe the many different types of behaviors and actions.
The Rainbow crowd was rather interesting, they had children with them, looked very out of shape and rather sickly as they coughed and wheezed, most likely from the weed smoking and lack of proper care of their person. They smoke upon awakening and even offered Lynna and me to smoke from the pipe they were passing around, yet we denied and informed them that we felt their actions were inappropriate and should be more considerate of others that were trying to rest at the rest stop. We would have loved to interview them and try to learn more about them, but our frustration with the lack of sleep we had that night because of them, clouded our perspective and packed up our things and found another place to make our usual breakfast.
There is so much to learn in our world, so much to experience. I find that Lynna and I are quick to judge and become bothered quickly by other peoples actions, possibly due to our Aspergers and very judgemental upbringing. I believe this journey will help us work through the many challenges and baggage we both have incurred along our lifetime. Being able to understand others and where they come from is important for better human interaction. We are all hurting as humans and have been taught to see each other as the enemy. There is lots of healing to do from the past, and I feel people need to take responsibility for their actions in order to heal and grow.
This is such a beautiful planet, there is so much healing in nature to be had, but only until we surrender to her and let our egos go, will we experience the great healing she has to offer. If we stop holding on to labels, gender, boundaries, hatred, and fear, we just might rise above it all.
Hope you are enjoying the journey as much as we are......
Monday, July 3, 2017
We are all living in a make-believe world, a world that feeds our illusions, disorders and overall neurosis. We are trained to believe that some of us are better than others due to our status, be it race, financial gains and oh yes religious beliefs. Many of us are a byproduct of societies boxed in version of what a man or a woman is supposed to act or look like and fall for the fixer upper version of gender transition. As if surgery and a chemical substance that is imitating the real thing, is going to magically turn us into that gender we think we are. I too am a victim of this programming and have forever had my world changed due to set beliefs.
People live a life beyond their means, are a slave to a broken system and are none the wiser for it. Lying to themselves and others in the quest to achieve a self-centered need, not caring what the ramifications might be. During our journey, it has been 65 days since we left South Florida and the "comforts" of a boxed in home, where being caged seems to be the norm in societies view, we have learned many things along the way. We are taught if we don't pay rent or a mortgage we're somehow are defected and breaking the rules. I want to point out to my readers that not long ago, the natives of this land and the natives of other parts of the world before the European took over, lived happily in the land that belonged to everyone and no one. We did not have to pay to have a safe place to live, nor for the foods that mother earth provided. Fast forward a bit, and things are much different. They called my people savages and uncivilized, yet they shared what they had amongst each other and even welcomed the white man, to then be deceived and raped by them.
Why can't people open up their eyes and stop living this artificial life they are living, they are slowly killing themselves and it is all based on the way they live their lives. Not only by the chemicals they are placing in their bodies, but by their actions as well. We have forgotten how to live, there is no compassion, people do not do right by each other, and are to concerned with keeping up with the Joneses. There is an ever essence of anger, frustration, lack of patience and sickness, yes lots of sicknesses, from mental to physical, just look around, most are on some sort of prescription drug cocktail, overweight, unhappy and depressed. As I sit here in a library in Redding California, writing this blog, there are over 10 people coughing in different areas of the place. We have noticed how sick people are in America, in every place we visit, there is a bunch of sick Americans, sniffling, coughing and sporting a huge belly from overindulging in what they consider to be food. Many are incapable of leading a conversation, are mentally incapable of being social, and walk around with a chip on their shoulder and entitlement.
Traveling is definitely a way of getting a major education, to really help one learn what this country and its people are all about. Sitting in front of a computer and TV for most of the day tends to numb you of reality, and unfortunately, programs you to believe what they want you to believe and how to think and be. We have lost all ability to think for ourselves, to make righteous decisions, and to overall lead a life that one can be proud of. We have sold our soul and don't even see it. Listen, I am as messed up as the rest, I too drank the Kool-Aid and now that red dye is all over me and impossible to wash off, but I am aware, and I will speak up every chance I get. I no longer live life-based on material needs, in fact, I consider myself a minimalist and only purchase what is really needed, and trust me, I require very little to live. As far as my gender confusion and so-called gender disorder, I can say this, it is deeper and much more complicated than most people care to understand. Childhood traumas, lack of self-worth, and a trillion of other life-based issues lead to this disorder. No one is born wrong, and there is nothing wrong with our bodies, we take gender way too seriously, and not by coincidence either, it's been programmed that way. There is lots of profit to be made and lots of people who have no clue about what they are doing leading this parade.
I find and I know many will not agree with me, that transitioning solves absolutely nothing, I see the same people who after transition continue to have the same problems they had prior, and frankly it appears to get worse, for now, they have medical issues, heightened depression from the hormonal cocktail they are on, and messed up endocrine systems. Surgery after surgery, in hopes that they can change the unchangeable, to only end up even more depressed, broke, sick and sometimes dead. Transition seems to be a temporary fix and a not so good one at that.
Living surrounded by nature, seeing the wildlife and all the wonders of this beautiful planet makes you rethink life in general. We are living in troubled times, and we better do something about it before it is too late. I wish people could realize that their true disorder has nothing to do with their looks, but all to do with their deeper being, the lack of true essence, true value and true self-worth. You don't have to be something you are not, you don't have to hurt yourself to achieve what the magazines and television tells you, you should be. Travel inward, fix the spirit, not the building.
The journey has only just begun, we continue to travel on this beautiful planet, until next time. Go, go GypsyBlue.....